What To Do If You Are Feeling Unappreciated Pt. 2

This is part 2 of a 2 part series. If you missed part 1 where we began our exploration of what to do when you feel taken for granted, make sure you go back and catch it before this lesson!

In this episode, you’re going to learn 4 more strategies of what to do if you are feeling unappreciated by your partner.

Let’s get straight into it.

5) Ask for appreciation

If you want to be appreciated ask for it.

Ask for it simply and clearly.

State exactly what you want to be appreciated for and even how you want to be appreciated.

For example “Can you please say something nice about how dinner tastes?”.

I use this trick all of the time. Whenever I find myself craving, attention, acknowledgment or praise, I will just ask my husband for it.

And I’ll ask for it early and often.

If you wait until you’ve been feeling this way for a while, you will most likely build up resentment, and when you go to ask for the appreciation, your request won’t come off as neutral.

It will come off like there is something wrong that they haven’t done it already. They will sense that they are being judged or you feel like they have done something wrong and might get defensive.

Always make a request as neutral as possible.

This means your own emotions are neutral.

You aren’t coming from an energy or resentment or entitlement. This really gives the other person the chance to accept your request or not.

Usually when we take things on like they are owed to us, They don’t feel very good. But if we take everything on like it’s a gift, then we never run out of gifts to receive.

Being willing to ask for appreciation in the specific way that you want it is empowering.

It is being responsible for your getting your own needs met.

If your partner cares for you, then they want you to feel appreciated. You asking them for it when you want it and how you want it is actually a huge gift to them. You’re laying out exactly what they can do to make you happy.

6) Stop Overgiving

Some people give and give and give to compensate for a feeling of not being enough.

This strategy of overgiving is especially common in women.

Feeling like we are not enough is a fundamental human fear we all have on some level.

Sometimes women give so much because their fear or limiting beliefs are telling them that they have to. If they stop, they won’t be loved.

Often these beliefs are held unconsciously, and are a blind spot.

These women are choosing to give so much, not out of love, but out of unworthiness.

Then, they end up resenting the person who doesn’t stop them.

Are you overgiving?

Do you routinely offer to do things no one asked you to do?

Do you naturally assume that you are the one who will need to care of things?

Do you take on so much that you are left feeling depleted and burnt out?

If you’re over giving – STOP.

Choose the 5 least important activities you do, and JUST STOP DOING THEM.

 Replace them with rest or something fun instead!

7) Set boundaries

Ultimately, in life and in love, you will get what you tolerate.

Do you have a friend that you always make sure you are on time for?

Because if you don’t… well you just know that wouldn’t be good. That person doesn’t tolerate tardiness, and as a result, they don’t get much of it.

If after trying the steps we’ve already covered you’re still not receiving the appreciation you want you may need to set boundaries.

You may need to stop doing the things that you feel unappreciated for.

If you truly feel unappreciated and you continue to do the same things you’ve always done while expecting a different result, that is the definition of insanity.

An easy way to have someone appreciate something is to remember what it is like to go without it.

Whenever I get a cold, I remember how precious my health is and how I normally take it for granted.

Now I’m not suggesting to be childish or to throw this in someone’s face.

That will not go well.

I am suggesting that if your man is not appreciating you for oh let’s say doing his laundry every week.

Stop doing his laundry.

Just stop washing it.

Let it sit there.

When he needs clean clothes, he’ll figure it out.

Holding boundaries can be uncomfortable.

If you’ve been tolerating this feeling of being unappreciated, you want to consider that it has become a part of your comfort zone.

Being unappreciated is actually safe and comfortable to you, and setting boundaries will feel uncomfortable.

Tolerate the discomfort and stop selling yourself out.

8) Do you really want to be in this relationship?

If you’ve tried all of these strategies with no results, then it might be time to ask yourself, do I really want to be in this relationship?

Perhaps there is a part of you that actually wants to move on, but is scared, so instead of doing the hard thing and ending the relationship, you just continue to find problems.

I’ve done this. It didn’t matter what my boyfriend did, I was always dissatisfied, because deep down there was a part of me that knew I didn’t want to be in that relationship anymore.

I wasn’t willing to be happy with him.

Or maybe you really want this relationship to work – so you’ve been compromising your own feelings to keep it together.

You deserve to be with someone who loves and appreciates you exactly the way you are and they way you’re not, and so does your partner.

Remember, putting up with feeling like you are being taken for granted is giving away your power and playing the victim.

You have choice in the matter. You have say in the matter.

 No one can ever take away your power. You either give it away or you don’t.

So take your power back and use these strategies to create the appreciation and acknowledgment you are craving.