Are You Easy to Love? The Love Jar

Are you easy to love?

If you want to feel a lot of love in your relationship, the best strategy is simple: be easy to love! If you can make it clear to your partner how to make you feel loved, you will be well on your way to a fulfilling and love-filled relationship

Often times, we expect our partners to inherently know what we want or to know what feels good to us. And some of the time they do. A lot of the time, however, they don’t know. It turns out, our partners are not mind readers!

So what are we to do? Well, I’ve got a little arts and craft project for you that is going to lead to a lot more love in your relationship.

Introducing: The Love Jar!

A love jar is a place for you to store the keys to your heart. Not actual keys, but the tips and tricks to loving YOU specifically. This way, your partner has a place to go for helpful reminders on how to make sure you are feeling the love.

So how do you make a love jar? Here are the steps I took in creating my own love jar.

1. 1. Get a jar
      (or a box, a mug, a container of any kind really…)

   2. Write down a list of actions your partner could take that make you feel really loved.

      These can be big or small actions, for example: 

      • Plan a surprise evening out for us
      • Give me a hug for no reason
      • Look into my eyes as you tell me you love me
      • Give me a back massage
      • Pick me up a surprise treat at the grocery store

Don’t worry about getting this list perfect. It is just a first draft, so make it your best guess and you are allowed to change your mind later!

1. Cut the list up into little strips of paper

2. Put them in the jar!

3. Give your partner the Jar (and ask them to give you one)

4. Take one action out of the jar per week. 

For both you and your partner, each week you each take one action out of the jar and practice doing that action. You can either share with your partner what the action it is, or leave it as a surprise. It might be something you do once during the week, or something you do every day.

Important Tip: As you practice the action, ask your partner for feedback!

Learning to love someone the way they like to be loved can feel quite tender and vulnerable, so do your best to not take the feedback personally. Remember, this is all about learning to love each other better!

It is like learning a new language. I know that back in school my French teacher had to correct my pronunciation multiple times before I got it just right. If you are going to the trouble of learning to speak their language, then you really want all of the reward of having given them exactly what they want. So you have to be willing to refine your approach. Feedback from your partner is so powerful and can help bring the two of you even closer together.

As you move through the items in your love jar, you might find out “you know, I thought that would make me feel loved, but it actually doesn’t do much for me. Let’s take that one out of the jar”. Take it out and replace it with something new!

Remember, you can always be adding to your jar.

Tips: Teaching Your Partner Your Love Language

Always use the compliment sandwich when giving feedback. First, compliment them for what is great, then give your suggestion for improvement, and then finish with another compliment! Here’s an example: 

“Thanks you for getting me flowers! I feel so special that you did that! They brighten up my whole day! In the future, would you buy me roses? They are my favorite. I really appreciate that you went out of your way to buy these for me today!”

Tips: Learning Your Partner’s Love Language

You might be surprised at what your partner puts in their jar.

When my husband and I did this I was flabbergasted at some of the things on his list. Some of the things that made him feel loved, I would never ever ever have guessed. Like this one: “Close the cupboards in the kitchen”. I cannot explain it – but it makes a difference to my man, so I am willing to close those cupboards!

You might find some of the items are simple adjustments to what you’ve already been doing. Something like, “kiss me slowly.” Maybe you’re already giving kisses, but your partner likes it best when they are slow 

When you start giving love the way your partner likes to receive it, you will both feel a big surge in the level of energy, gratitude, and love in your relationship. This is the reward that comes from focusing on making your partner feel great.

So what are you waiting for?

Make yourself a love jar!